A boo-hooing Friday

Yes - everyone looks forward to the weekend and I should be dancing in the streets, but do you ever feel the need to "just have a REALLY good cry?" Well that's on my list today.

Sometimes it's for something really big that's going on in my life, sometimes it's not - just the old girly hormones.

But today - it's for my sweet, baby girl, who is just growing up so fast. The older she gets the more I begin to realize that she is an awful lot like me - independent, moody, reacts before thinking, wants what she wants when she wants it!, and strong willed.

She has been complaining far a couple of months about not being able to see the blackboard, our TV (which by the way is a LARGE flat screen) or signs in the distance. Hubby and I talked about it and were trying to figure out if this was just a phase (some of her friends just got glasses - way back in my era it wasn't cool to ware glasses) or if she truly was having trouble. She also likes to put on her daddy's glasses and comments on how much better everything looks. She does look awful cute in them! Anyway I even talked with some of her teachers and they hadn't noticed anything, so I left it go.

While hubby was away this week, she began to complain about her eyes again. So on Monday, because of a "gut" feeling I had about this, I called the eye doctor and got her an appointment for Tue. Nov. 25th.

Well wouldn't you know, yesterday she comes home from school and walks in the door with a poochy face and is in tears crying, "I need glasses! I had my eyes checked at school today and I failed!"

Wait - mommy's confused! Didn't you want glasses just a few days ago?

"Yes - no - oh I don't know".

So I calmed her down and told her that I had already made an appointment for her to see an eye doctor (yeah for mommy!) even before this information came home. She seemed satisfied with that and went about her day.

UNTIL . . . . this morning.

4 minutes BEFORE walking out the door to catch the bus, she looks at the calendar and sees that her eye appointment is 2 weeks away! "I can't wait that long! I need them NOW!"

I re-explained, we can't just get you glasses overnight and things like this take time and so on, and then she said, "so I'm supposed to squint to see the board for 2 weeks?" Didn't I just say things like this take time? We can't just go tomorrow!

Then she realized daddy will be away when she goes to her appointment. "Oh - daddy won't be around when I go? I want him to go with me."

That was the punch that started the tears - for me. Why can't I win her approval for something I felt I did right?

It's mommy who went with her gut feeling and scheduled an appointment BEFORE the school nurse recommended that we do so? It's mommy who tries to make her feel better when she's not feeling well. And mommy takes her shopping, and it's mommy . . . . .

but it's daddy (when he's home) when she is hurt, or needs help with her homework ('cause mommy, you just won't understand it), or mommy just told her something she didn' t want to hear. Please understand I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my hubby with all my heart and we parent together, but why when I want so badly to have a relationship with my daughter, does she choose him over me??

So, today I'm left with feeling like a failure who just can't seem to do anything right in the eyes of her daughter and is always 2nd best. Am I okay with that? I guess should and not make to much of it, kids will eventually feel that way at some point in their lives about their parents, but not today, Lord. She is my baby girl, my only daughter and I SO want a relationship with her and I want her to think that I'm everything!!

Is that too much to ask for?

P.S. and to make my day even better - I can't figure our why my stupid computer won't keep the spaces in inbtween my paragraphs!!!!!! Ughhhhh :-{